My life has changed radically in these past weeks, months. It felt very subtle and difficult to describe for quite some time as I would do work and need to process the work, then finding no words to describe what is going on. Spiritual work is such an uncanny process, the more I go along, the more is happening and yet, the less I can describe. All I know is, I am changed. I am being re-made. All the time, I’m being re-written. Old stuck patterns have released, I can see now more clearly where the work needs to find its way inside me, and miraculously, I have begun to disengage myself from the webs of old ways that have kept me small and not in my power and find the new threads to begin weaving new possibilities.
Most of what I’m working on, I cannot speak or write about on public media or with any others than those in my group. Nor do I desire to, as I feel like it diminishes the power and focus of the work, and in some cases, might even blaspheme it. I will share that embedded in the group work, I was blessed with a healing that held me in a soft glow for some time after, then I seemed to plummet into sadness for a time, and now I have begun to soar on higher winds. The emotions of such work are kind of a constant wave of deep gratitude, profound and limitless beauty and love, and deep wells of complex painful emotions that I am learning to navigate with grace and less resistance, as they are also part of this intense wonder and beauty.
I may choose to close down this blog at some point. Part of any spiritual work is learning how to cut away that which we cling to, that which is extraneous and/or burdensome. This is a big deal for me because I do hang onto stuff. Lots of stuff. Mostly physical stuff that is like a great weight on my shoulders. So, I’ve slowly been trying to assess what I am ready to let go of, what I could if needed but is rather handy (like old clothes that are too worn out to donate, but are still useful seasonally), and what things I would like to cultivate. I’m not trying to rush this process, and I definitely still fall into sloth quite a bit as I avoid these tasks, or come at them from a place of willfulness.
This journey, it is just beginning.