Transformation

I’d like to journal a bit about the major transformations that have taken place in my life this year, and share some of the most recent journeys I have had throughout the inner realms, the World Tree of Yggdrasill. I feel this year I have taken some enormous leaps of faith, leaps in learning, in daring, in tearing down of preconceived ideas, in facing my inner turmoil head on and this year has been the most potent spiritually yet. Though I still feel some level of trepidation in some aspects, I am honoring that by understanding that as human beings we go through cycles, and right now I still feel I am in an intake kind of cycle. I am reading everything I can possibly get my hands on, I am exploring all kinds of ideas and theories, and I’ve been bouncing most of these thoughts off my husband, even though he does not share my belief system, he is the most accepting, open-minded and non-dogmatic person I have ever known and he listens to me and allows me to share these ideas without judgement.

This year, I started training in Seiðr, and I feel I have learned and experienced leaps and bounds of personal, spiritual awakening through this very important work. I also returned to college and have faced a lot of my fears in re-committing to formal school work, which has never been easy for me. I consider myself a life-learner, one who learns most through life, living, experience rather than sitting in classrooms, but I admit to feeling that my path is right. I feel excited for it, ready for it. I have met awesome people through both of these fields of study, people who are kind and supportive yet unafraid to share constructive ideas for progression. I feel it is through both of these changes that I have come into a kind of personal power and confidence that I don’t think I’ve ever in my life experienced. Sure, I still have moments of doubt and turmoil, but I seem to be able to quickly change my thought process to see instead my strengths, my skills and passion for my subjects, and the willingness to face the challenges rather than shrink away or berate myself as being unworthy or incapable. I feel that my reading and studies from The Four Queens, Kelly-Ann Maddox, has helped enormously in this regard, as well. I’ve been watching her videos and doing a lot of her suggested work for many months now, and (if I have not mentioned it) had an incredible Energetic Shadow Map reading done that has absolutely changed the way I think about myself, my inner work and the importance of self-love and self-acceptance. I continue to trudge through this work, and I’ve also recently just watched all of her tarot class series and am now learning tarot more in-depth. I have had two tarot decks for sometime now, but have never quite gotten into the flow of it until I started watching her channel. I am now actively working on journaling about the tarot cards, doing “unconscious spreads” and other exercises which has been immensely helpful. I am doing the same with the Norse runes using a couple of books and through journaling. I’ve got a hoard of books I’m currently trying to read through while I’m on break from school, and reading has helped me delve into so many topics and theories, I feel like my mind may explode! Currently, I’ve been reading and studying more about hoodoo and conjure, Traditional Witchcraft, and Chaos magic. I’m waiting anxiously for a book on Trolldom, Norwegian folk magic, to be released so I can tie than into my Norse studies and practices. I’ve sparked an interest in Kundalini yoga and understanding more about chakra work, which I’ve explored to a very minor degree in meditation. I still work on my herbal stuff, though that has taken a bit of a back-seat for the time being. I made a list yesterday of all the things I’m currently interested in learning or currently learning and studying, and I am shocked at the enormity of it! So much to learn and to know!

Since I’ve not felt compelled to write lately, I’ve experienced much in the Unseen realms since I was last writing on this blog. I have experienced some incredible awakenings, especially with regards to healing. My mom and sister both have had serious illnesses or health concerns this year, and I had staved with my mentor for deep healing in the realm of Niflheim. In one journey, I slid joyously down a stone water slide (that occur naturally in Norway and look like the coolest tourist attraction!) directly into the Mountain of Medicine. I was honored beyond all measure to have been permitted immediately into the Mountain of Medicine, into the realm and care of Menglöð and Eir, who are the entities that reside there, and whom I’ve experienced several times now. I mostly encountered Menglöð, who was incredible, massive, and she shared with me a horn of the golden mead which started as a small horn for just me, and then became so enormous and mead poured all over everything, the whole of the planet and beyond. She even removed my sisters eye (her health concern) and filled it with golden mead, and as she poured the mead into each of us, she instructed me to “Drink, and be healed”, and I visualized the golden liquid filling all the “dark spaces” inside, making them whole again. I could see my younger self drinking the mead and healing deep scars that reside in my past. I could see my mom as a child being healed of shame, torment, guilt. She lead me through a process of healing my entire familial line, who were each of them baptized in a pool of her mead. I met and experienced Hela several times (who had originally come to me unbidden in meditations before I ever began any of my studies in Norse mythos), whose realm always leaves my physical feet and legs icy cold but my soul full inside with warmth and love and pure understanding, if only briefly, about the nature of decomposition and transformation, which is both beautiful and terrifying. I was honored when she took my hands in hers, filling me with the sense of herself, whose name (or title), Hel, means “Whole”. In another journey, her arms joined with mine and it was as if I became her. I saw in one journey the river in her realm, and the two wolves that guard it, and we quickened our stavs in order to fly over it (as one does not want to touch either the walls or water in Hel). My Huginn, whose shape is a giant eagle, flew in circles around the flaming halls of Hel’s realm, his shadow enormous and glorious, and in one journey he sat on a perch. I’ve only yet encountered the reptilian feet of my Muninn, but its presence has made itself known to me, and the feeling of it seemed like a giant, flying reptile, dragon or dinosaur. My fylgia, whose shape is that of a raccoon, has also shown itself to me, and I delight in experiencing it, however fleeting. I’ve experienced briefly the dwarves, working hard in their realm of Svartalfheim, and acknowledging me as I passed through. I encountered some interesting presences in Jötenheim, feeling the massive presence of three large beings. I have seen the “halls” of Valhalla, which were, in one journey, filled with bloodless bodies of the dead, and in another journey, just a wide open field of green grass and an eerie sense of eternity. Freyja’s realm, Fólkvangr, means “people-field” and seems to be either the same or very near Valhalla. Óðinn was summoned by my mentor, though I did not “see” him as much as “sense” him, elusively, and he feels very scary and wise. I’ve experienced Óðinn before in previous journeys and many times in very scary and visceral dreams. He is the epitome of mystique. I’ve journeyed many times to Vanaheim, and in the past couple of journeys, Freyja has become more “substantial” than before. In several of my journey’s, I’ve been “cloaked” by her in the skin of a black bear, and also in a fine, light linen. She has handed me leaves from her birch trees. In my most clear journey into Vanaheim, Freyja and Frigg were there, and there were, at first, small cats winding around my legs, then came an enormous black cat that strode beside Freyja. She was in a dress of white and she strode on a mossy ground. There were glittering sparkles of snow, and in each snowflake were millions of rainbows, all Heimdallr, all representing his universe of eyes. It was absolutely breathtaking to experience Heimdallr.

A number of times, there have been strange, electrical disturbances in the TV as I’ve staved alone, and I’ve felt the shock of some electrical force running through me. Each time, I’ve been startled enough to end the journey! I mentioned that my feet and legs become icy as I wander through Hel, and at times my fingertips have become like ice. My lips always buzz and feel sticky afterwards. There are times I feel as if my whole being is inflamed or lit by electrical energy. In one journey, I could feel my bad knee twitch uncontrollably, in another, I could feel my stav being yanked down. This kind of work is very rewarding, beautiful, and downright terrifying. There are times I wake up in the night and wonder why I engage in it as the terror engulfs me! I had a dream the other night that I was a universe, and I was siblings with other universes, and our mother was a universe of unfathomable proportion, and she was ready to die, being sucked into a black hole I thought, and her terror was so palpable, and she was explaining that because we resided inside her, we were also to die, but because of the time and space paradox, we would actually witness her death as well as our own. The horror this dream filled me with was so visceral. And yet, the lessons I’m taught through these kinds of dreams is, what I consider to be, extremely important and necessary for the soul’s evolution. I consider the work I do in dreams to be helpful instruction that assists me while journeying and learning to work despite my fears, and also to help expand my mind when confronting ideas that make little sense in mundane reality.

I will share one more encounter that I feel is so potent with meaning, and it was my experience in a lucid dream with Thor. In the dream, I was many things at once. I was a shaman dancing around a campfire on the shoreline of a fjord as the midnight sky glowed with stars above. I was me, as I am now, watching from the dream, as this scene unfolded. I was also the scene in the great sea, Thor wrestling with the great world serpent, Jörmungandr. I was Thor, I was the serpent, I was the sea, I was the sky, I was the shaman, I was a witness. The symbolic meaning of Thor and the serpent is one of many fascinating things to contemplate, and this dream I felt like I truly understood it. I will try to describe it the way I interpret it based on my reading of Maria Kvilhaug’s interpretations of the Norse myths, and also the way I perceived it in my dream. Thor protects Midgard from giant forces, and he is also electricity, thunder, “married” to lightning (Sif), and is a conductor of electrical energy (by way of his iron gloves and belt). The serpent is what he, at Ragnarok, slays. The symbolism here is quite complex. Thor is the protector of Earth from “giants”, the stuff that bombards earth from space. His hammer is both a conductive tool for electricity in the storms he governs, but also “the grinder”, grinding space matter into tiny particles before they hit or threaten the earth. He is electrical current, and the conductor or “ruler” of it. He wields it, hurls it, directs it. He is also a symbol of the common man, and the common man’s journey through life. The Midgard serpent represents illusion. Thor, the protector of earth, will destroy the illusion of the mind (consensus reality) at Ragnarok, the end of the world. I don’t necessarily see this as a full-on apocalypse, but consider that every day is the end of the world for someone who dies. Thor removes the barriers between worlds, between consensus reality and pure knowing as one crosses into a new state of being, the new form of pure energy. As one approaches Death, (and Hel, remember, means Whole), so to become WHOLE, rejoined, completed, the barrier of this world to the next (Thor) changes the illusion of the human mind (the serpent) into a new state that removes the veil of illusion that we order ourselves under to exist on this plane of existence. I understand the deities and other entities to be many things: real beings or energies, personifications of forces and concepts we cannot fathom in other ways, psychological concepts, gods, and the divine aspect that resides in each molecule of existence. One concept that I contemplate quite a bit is, “The One Who is Many”. This..this is something to chew on 🙂

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One thought on “Transformation

  1. spiritfoxs79 says:

    Sound like you have been very busy, I know when I took my first steps on to my path towards seidr I started to feel like I was going home seidr is a great fit for me love the trance work. Hel came to me unbidden and put her claim on me and showed me the way though yggdrasil and in to the nine worlds. will be looking into the books about trolldom it sounds like a interesting book.

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