Recently, Hubby and I went for a brief state park getaway. We finally had a perfect balance: a Monday off, good weather, no ‘dot’, no family member having an emergency, an availability for a camper cabin. All the stars were aligned. We had the most perfect, romantic time. For some years now, he and I had planned on burning some old letters to each other from our early relationship, a time that was very difficult for us. After having a long-needed, healing talk, we made the decision to symbolically let go of that pain and angst by having a special fire to honor the lessons learned and to let it go to ash to be transformed.
So after unpacking the car and enjoying a wondrous 2-mile hike, we started up our sacred fire. We placed the firewood in the pit, used the papers as kindling and we place a number of my sacred firestarters that I’d already ritually prepared especially for this rite into the fire. It took a long time to get the fire going. I’ve noticed that sometimes with magical fires, they are much less easy to burn than a mundane fire, and this time was no different. It was also our dinner fire, though, so we were anxious to get it going! As the letters burned and we both coaxed the flames along, we both said words of parting to all that does not serve us anymore, to the pain and angst, and sent them to be healed and renewed. Finally, we were able to use the fire for dinner. Since it was a magical fire, I decided we may as well use that energy to our benefit through our food, as well. I imagined the smoke imbuing our food with regenerating energy, giving us, our bodies and souls, the strength to continue on together without that baggage and hurt. We ate our food in quiet, listening to the sounds of the park, the autumn winds, the birds and squirrels rustling around preparing for the coming dark. I silently made a formal offering to Thor. I offer him breath and honor him with words every day, but I wanted to make a libation. I looked around for an oak tree to pour it onto, and not finding one in the immediate vicinity, I decided I would do what I always do as a condo-dweller: I offered him the libation through my body. In doing this, I offer the liquid and the energy it takes for my body to digest it. I drank the libation with purpose and contentment. Soon after, I got up to clean up a few things, and to my great surprise, my Mjolnir necklace (Thor’s Hammer) started vibrating against my collarbone! I started in shock, then told Hubby about it, smiling. Though he is not pagan, he respects my beliefs and always patiently listens to my thoughts and feelings about my spirituality. Even he was surprised and grinned, thinking it cool and cosmic and awesome. We then watched the sky grow dark and the stars come alight.
Falling asleep took its usual sweet time, and after waking several times to pee, I finally fell deep into REM sleep. A guide or god came to me as I slept. She felt feminine, and was as if she had three animal bodies that were joined as one: an elephant, a zebra and one that I thought was a horse, though I could not recall exactly. I thought there was one or two other beings that came with her, and they were riding in the sky with her. When she landed, she seemed to change into three similar shapes, either three zebras or three elephants or three horses, or maybe she morphed between them. She approached me with a kind of riddle. I was absolutely terrified. I could barely function through the fear. She then changed into a four-legged animal that was more familiar to me and more docile, I thought a cat or dog. She then spoke to me as a friend and was giving me hints to the riddle. She said something like, “I don’t want to be remembered for what I’ve come to you in your dreams, as a riddle, or as a ______ (something I can’t recall)”. The scene seemed to change, and Vesta was there with me to comfort me. Me and the goddess were among a dark street of parked cars, and suddenly a human woman I did not recognize walked by and gave us sharp looks. She went through a secured door of an apartment building where there was now a black cat with her. Vesta was now inside with them, and she was sitting peacefully on a ledge when the woman and cat came near her, she rose up her back and was hissing at them. I ran inside to get Vesta and that’s when I woke up. There was much more detail than this, most of which seemed to have been felt or ‘understood’ rather than seen. She was explaining that it is her that has been coming to me in my dreams as some kind of test. Even though she she now came in a different way, it still seemed as if she wouldn’t or couldn’t speak directly of her purpose. Almost as if she were forbidden or unable to speak of it in a way a human would understand. She was trying to help me understand, though, that much I understood of her intentions. It was odd to be at once completely and utterly terrified, yet also comforted by this enormously powerful, caring being. I felt elated and excited when I woke up, wanting to know and understand more.