Far Away Feeling

It’s been a hard few weeks. After a series of injuries, tests, diagnostics, biopsies and subsequent fallout, I’m just feeling a bit angsty and sad. As is my custom now, I steer my mind to my spiritual thoughts to take me out of negative headspace. It seems to consume me, and yet, I feel almost more clueless now as to my purpose now than I did 10 years ago. After my shower, which right now is a bit of an ordeal, I just felt lonely, stagnant, lost, far away. I keep meaning to get to bed early so I can dream deeply and wake with the dawn, write during the quiet dark hours, enjoy being. I haven’t been doing it. I’ve been going to sleep later, which in turn sometimes creates a cycle of sleeplessness, restlessness, frightening dreams. Instead of reading, I’ve been playing computer solitaire on my phone, trying to keep my mind from delving too deeply before bed. Though in my dreams, I’m facing dark, primal fears and shadows.  In the light of day, I clearly see in my mind and feel in my heart the person that I want to be, that I am destined to be, but on the outside…it just doesn’t match. I don’t know who these two people are. I don’t know where the disconnect is. I don’t know which way I’m supposed to go to find out. My path is hidden from me.

Sigh.

For something completely uplifting, fun, and impossibly cute that will take you out of any sad place, watch my YouTube doggy obsession, Barkley, as he figures out his new winter boots 🙂

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