My dreams are becoming more and more intense and symbolic. I have a strong feeling I’m missing much within the deeper states of dreaming. I woke the other night and knew I’d dreamt of tons of railroad spikes, which I collect by the light of day for their protective qualities, but I could not recall else about it. There are others where I have vague knowledge of facing some of my most feared horrors, only left they are in the mist. And yet, I wake to much symbolism, recalling vivid details of other scenes in the dreams, facing potent dangers, channeling enormous courage that does not seem to suit my waking self. A recent dream I witnessed the kidnap and rape of someone dear to me, though I did not see their face in the dream, only knowing they were a kindred spirit of some kind, and I bellowed out into the forest of trees and concrete for which the scene was juxtaposed, unleashing a wroth upon the scene that I knew to have strong effect on the abductors. It disturbed me, and yet I faced it differently than I have in past dreams. I was a new kind of being in this dream, not just being stronger, or less afraid, I was something else.
Another dream was rich with similar symbolism. I have discovered through camping that in waking life, I’m terrified of bears. In this dream, I stumbled upon a mama black bear and her four cubs. I swallowed the fear and hustled purposefully in another direction, able to escape her starting advances. I ducked behind my building at work, and advised another innocent walker onto the scene to avoid the area. The cubs were then seen behind the door of the opposite building, and I was suddenly in my own building tending to people who had not-so-luckily encountered the bears. A co-worker had been slightly injured, and my sister had been seriously hurt, her face showing massive bruises blooming. In a low voice, I told my sister perhaps this was a sign from another realm, showing her the medicine (or lesson) of a totem Bear. A shamanic education, as it were.
Lessons from totem or spirit animals are fickle indeed, yet if you can sort out the symbolism, quite effective. Sometimes my encounters with animals make more sense to me than those with humans. A friend of mine made an interesting suggestion to me recently. We were discussing spirit animals, and I mentioned my mystique with spiders, the great weavers of Fate. She said, “Why don’t you try asking Mother Spider what she’s trying to teach you?” Why I had not thought of this most brilliant idea, I do not know. Lessons in metaphysical terms can often be found by more “simple” means than we think they should be. Ask, and you will be given answer. The caveat, of course, is that cosmic “answers” are also often not what they seem, can be nebulous, and require some foreknowledge of folklore and one’s own intuition. The good side is that, metaphysically speaking, a spirit cannot lie. This is the real crucial part of dealings with the Mysteries…lying, outright, diminishes any being’s power. There are expert tricksters out there, many many gods and spirits are known Tricksters, but tricking in this sense usually means assumptions were made, incorrectly by the person inferring the meaning. So be careful what you infer from any meanings. Do not answer or commit too quickly. This lesson is in almost every folk tale I’ve ever heard, the character’s thinking the deal was straightforward, they agree without thought, then suddenly they have to give up their first born to some scary, Underworld deity. Lessons, people, these are lessons! And this is the exact reason I’m careful what I ask for from the supernatural. You must give if you are to take. The cosmos being the great equalizer. It matters not what lot you come from or end up in, the rules “out there” are the same for all.
This also brings up the great Mystery of paradox. I’ve pondered this much lately and feel like I grok paradox. I’m finally understanding (with the help of dreams) how paradox works, how opposing truths can exist in a seeming impossibility. My dreams are wonderful at giving me examples of how this works, how there is a universe and time and space and gods and power within me, as a human soul, and also without me, existing separate from me, and how time and space as we think of it does not exist. We put things in order to try to make sense, but really, letting go of that sense might bring us further to the truth of it. And what is truth, but all of these things and none of them. It’s a hard lesson to wrap the head around, and I only got there because I got there. I don’t think it’s something people can simply explain until someone answers, they just have to experience it on their own. I think Quantum Physics comes close, but most people find it difficult to bend their mind that way.
It’s a hard study, this. It is difficult to live mundanely when the mind and spirit are off flying Elsewhere. I recently had to press the pause button on active lessons because I needed to just live. I do practice methods as I live and dream to bring me close all the while to my spiritual goals, but it is difficult. Though I’ve found that my dreams are the best teachers, so far. The cosmic journeys are best, they are breathing examples directly from the Unknown. Reading books on theories, though, and definitely help me come to an understanding of symbolic interpretation. I continue to read ravenously, and I’ve gotten back onto the meditation train. I’ve had some pretty amazing insights through meditation, too.