Among my many plans and projects, I’d like to start creating a grimoire for my niece. A nice, big, post-bound monster-book-of-mystery that she can add pages to. Something to pass down to her as she grows and discovers her own power. Since the concepts of deity and magic and metaphysics and quantum mechanics can be convoluted and debatable, I’d like to leave her with my experience and opinion of it. Maybe she’ll never walk this road, it doesn’t matter, just that I leave something behind. A little book of mysteries and clues should she ever want to discover or build upon. I’m not sure why we, as humans, have this drive for legacy, but I definitely felt strong pangs of it ever since my health dramas 10 years ago (gods, has it been that long?!) It’s like there’s some need or pull to leave a piece of your consciousness behind, as if to say, “Hey, this was me and I was for here for a short time”. Is it simple fear of death, of no longer being solid matter…I’m not sure it is only that. Or is it inherent in us that as our cycle of life comes to a close, we shed all things as they become unnecessary (food, water, worries) and leave only the imprint and lessons we’ve taught or learned? Watching the natural dying process through my mother-in-law taught me so much about not only death and dying, but of life, living, legacy. It got me wondering what exactly I’ve given this plane of existence? What gifts will I leave here? What joys and memories? What wisdom?
I’ve also started to write again. I know my blog writing here has gotten a bit flat and I’ve felt as stuck here as I am with my Craft. But I decided to write as story that is essentially my journey as I grow and build my practice up again. I decided it would give me a writing goal, and since it’s purely experiential it will be the type of writing I feel most comfortable with. I write a travel blog detailing the travels that my Hubby and me take together, and our recent trip to Norway got me seriously writing again. I write very differently on each blog I write, and that one is probably the most lively since I know I’ve got an audience. I had amazing feedback about my writing, even more than before (which has been positive and encouraging), and it reminded me that I am a writer. No matter what, I always return to writing. It’s that one thing that I just feel that I am. No matter that I can’t even begin to fathom how to start or finish an actual story, but the act of writing is just what I do. It’s what my heart feels right doing. So I’m re-reading Anne LaMott’s ‘Bird by Bird’ to help remind me how to start writing again. And I had the idea of just writing my own story as a grimoire….notes on my progress, my recipes, my chants, my beliefs, my struggles and triumphs. It’s the only place I know where to start. And I personally find these types of things engaging. I thoroughly enjoy listening to the practical magical practices and journeys of Cory and Laine over at New World Witchery. I LOVE hearing their details about their rituals, what strange and magical things transpired, or what didn’t work or felt silly. So that’s what I’m going to write about, and hopefully it will spur my own rituals again.