In my attempts to get myself going forwards again as opposed to stagnating or receding on my path, I had the wonderful opportunity to get a card reading by Cory from New World Witchery. I’ve never had cards read by anyone other than my sister, and certainly not playing cards!! It was helpful and cool to get his reading and then a follow-up spread. It sparked some fire under my ass and I spent a lot of time pouring over my witchy stuff tonight, getting all my papers sorted and organized. It makes me think this organization thing is 95% of my problem…I just blank out when it comes to how I want things organized and I usually end up disgusted with myself and pissy. Anyway, tonight was a fruitful night. I was able to get lists condensed, notes and snippets put together in sensible order, and I even got a notebook going for Spells & Chants in which I dug out some really awesome chants that I wrote that kind of surprised me. It’s funny, whenever I write something really cool and memorable, when I go back and re-read it, I almost don’t remember writing it, as if the Divine were writing through me and my psyche was just sort of pushed aside for the mo’. It’s a trip.
I’m realizing that feeling culture-less is a very prominent reason for my loneliness as far as practice is concerned. In fact, I think it’s that fact that halts me more than laziness. I sometimes don’t even know what I’m doing, where to turn. I feel divorced from my European cultures, but I’m not Native American, either. I’m a Minnesotan-Euro mutt, and my practice will have to be Mutt as well. And I’m ok with that, but it does make it difficult to move ahead. It’s got to be all intuitive for me, and sometimes a person just needs some guidance (especially with spirit work). Anyway, since learning more about hoodoo, I like the idea of this practice as it’s not really a specific system, but more of a set of practices that can be incorporated into what suits a person, just like other kinds of witchcraft. Plus, I get a little buggin’ about all the PC shite with this stuff. I mean, I dig the whole not jumping on a cultural bandwagon that one doesn’t belong (hell, I went to inner city school, I know full well how stupid the white kids who called each other “nigga” looked trying to be gangsta’s), but folk magic is not jumping on cultural religious bandwagon. I kind of see it like electronica, who’s to say that electronica isn’t a valid form of art? It’s just a NEW form of art, and sometimes I think when people create something new, it gets criticized just because. Time changes, we evolve, and there is nothing right or wrong with evolution, evolution is simply the way it is. I once got an ass-reaming in high school after I was dissing rap in the presence of someone I didn’t know was listening, and I’ve thought about that incident a lot over the years. Though I’m not a fan of most rap music for very specific reasons (musically it’s not my bag, it usually glorifies misogyny, rape, domination of others, and violence….and I dislike any genre of music that overall does the same thing, like cock rock heavy metal), it got me to thinking about the cultural implications of this kind of music. Most po’ kids couldn’t afford or did not learn musical instruments, so they need creative outlets that they can participate in. Using words in rhyme or spoken word style is something that requires only a voice, needing no other equipment. I mean, a person can record it, sure, if they have the means, but they can also just jam out on the street with their friends. And it’s that aspect of it that I respect, and there are certainly rap artists that do not blather on about the violence crap, and I find I tend to even enjoy rap when it doesn’t include the bullshit. For me, music is about what’s being said and felt more than simply a catchy tune. The music has got to mean something and speak to what I feel and believe. Certain exceptions are when an artist is clearly being facetious or joking.
I found it very enlivening to work on re-connecting with my special books of articles, herbs, holidays and my big book of cool. I guess I am growing kind of weary of calling everything by their normal “pagan” names, “Book of Shadows” and the like. I originally thought that was an awesome name for a book, but now it’s kind of lost its luster for me. I like, Book of Mysteries, Book of Me, Big Book of Cool, Book of Joey, or something like that. It’s more my style. So, in an effort to really find my practice, I must embrace what’s really me, I guess. I’m probably sounding like a broken fucking record. I don’t really re-read my old posts, but hopefully I’m not so lost in my mind that I’m repeating myself all the time.
A fun song: