If my posts seem a bit here and there, it’s because I’ll start a blog, then run out of time and not be able to finish my thoughts. Then when I log in again, I feel like I want to have the thought in my journal, yet I still may not be in the headspace I was when I wrote it. FYI.
Tonight I came to a conclusion. My problems in the Craft stem from lack of will, lack of discipline, lack of focus. To improve these things, I need to work at them. There’s nothing for it, I have got to commit, or I will not grow. For as much as I question my motives and worry about fear driving me insane, I return again and again to a basic concept: I want to know myself, my path, my life’s purpose. That is what this searching is all about. The searching, and not the “answer”, is what I am missing. It’s the walking of the path I need to continue and not give up on simply because I feel alone and/or abandoned. So, in an effort to continue on this road, I’m instituting a few fairly simple changes.
- I am going to institute a study night for a regular night of Craft learning. I’ve chosen Thursday nights because that’s when Hubby is off doing music with one of his two bands. Since it’s usually a couple of hours of solitude, I think I will use this time to focus on reading, writing, craft podclasses, simple meditations and other practical exercises.
- I will make time for other Craft workings and more intense rituals at various times throughout the week, but it’s okay if those times are more flexible. I will not berate myself if something doesn’t get done one night, I’ll simply try again at a better time.
- I will plan out esbats and sabbats ahead of time so I don’t get all fretful about it. These are times I want to enjoy and not get upset over. I will not bring my past feelings regarding holidays into my new path, this path is for me alone and these holidays reflect this, not anything else. I will not feel guilty about making special foods and cakes even if it’s only for me. I will write the dates down on our shared calendar so Hubby knows not to schedule something where my presence is needed.
- I’d like to share my recipes and photos in my magical journals. Sometimes I prefer to work with my hands making handmade pages that go into my BOS or other magical journal, other times I prefer to work on the computer. Either way, the sharing is for me and my growth and I need not feel bad that I’m not sharing in all places.
- Some things I’d like to work in more frequently: herbs, homemade candles with leftover wax, fun labels for my salves and oils, wood burning, beads, hand stitching.
I may expand this list as I go, but this should be quite enough to get me started. And now, sleep is on its way. I am unbelievably tired, so as not to miss this wondrous moment, I think I’ll go crash. Nitey-nite, bitey-bite 😉