We were supposed to go on a Crow Moon Walk through our local park system, but since the skies have been completely grey and foggy, there was no point. It almost hurt not to see the glowing giantess in the sky. The night before the full moon we could see her and now I wish I’d done my tributes to the silvery orb then. Ah well, at least my Spring Equinox celebration was nice. I spent the morning baking Honey Oat Casserole bread (which turned out fabulous), brewing another batch of beer and making Shepherd’s Pie with my Lover. He does not follow my path, but he’s wonderfully supportive of my beliefs and rituals, never minding all the altars, books and papers scattered around the tiny condo. It gets very lonely going through this spiritual maze alone, however, and yesterday he partook of my celebrations along with me, without me asking, he just did it, and it was serendipitous and wonderful. As we brewed our beer, he poured the malt in widdershins and I stirred clockwise saying silent blessings into the hops and malt as they boiled, and we held each other as we do in the kitchen when we create together. It was lovely baking and brewing with the love of my life, I feel so blessed to have him as my husband. This May will mark 13 years of marriage 🙂
My private ritual was nice, though I still felt a bit….lost. This will mark only my second year of celebrating the Sabbats, and I’ve had some wonderful rituals, but usually the best ones are just regular rituals not affiliated with a turn of the year. And perhaps it is this loneliness that makes the holidays seem even more solitary (and maybe compounding my feelings towards traditional holidays in my family), but they feel less celebratory than they should. I desire connection, and yet, I am quite a loner in my heart. I desire the communal dancing, singing, chanting and drumming (!!), sharing of energy and exchange of thoughts and ideas, but people complicate my life and emotions. Until I can master that, I think it may be wise to not open myself up to public scrutiny. The other part of that is that while I love exploring my spiritual path, I feel that always there will be someone saying, “this is wrong, that is wrong, you’re not doing it right” blah blah blah. To me that is just more dogma, a mystical pissing contest. While I appreciate true, knowledgable and kind ‘elders’, there are many more that are there to simply fling dogshit. I can not, and will not, subscribe to any THING, that is, if something does not speak to me, I’m not going to jump in the line with it. It’s like, there may well be a thousand gods or aspects of gods, but until I have the experience myself (i.e. am given a name or knowledge of a god/ess) I just can’t say what pantheon or path I believe in or follow. I have heard the Voice of what is the Divine to me, but its name I was not given. So I guess it just feels wrong to latch onto something until it rings true within me. I like learning and finding my way by experience, taking in, listening. I start to see what I am not, usually, before I see what it is that I am. In fact, I really don’t know that I know what I am.
At any rate, the ritual was nice, though I just realized I did not journal it in my Sabbat journal. Cor! Pffft. Anyway, I meditated, made a lovely water of cinnamon leaf and lavender essential oils for my altar, along with a cream and honey offering to Deity (which I take in as the earth since I’ve no garden and have only gotten my plants moldy by feeding them my offerings), had some lemon-honey tea, flax & pumpkin seed granola, and wrote out a love letter to the Divine sealed with my groovy maze sealy wax thingy. I had a space for the elementals because I’ve been learning more about them, and I had my fire athame and air wand (usually I work with the opposite, my air sword is a gorgeous, carved, wooden, sheathed ‘blade’ that I got from the most charming wood carver) featured this time, as well as my pendulums, which I rarely work with. If I can get the photos uploaded, I will post them.
Happy Spring Equinox 🙂