I’ve surmised that my hesitancy in becoming an official dedicant to my Jedi-ness is because of my fear that in doing so, I’ll have to lose what I love. I don’t know that that would happen, but it seems that often when people dedicate themselves to their spirituality (as in an official self-dedication or initiation), their lives fall apart so that they may become new people. I know that this sort of tearing down and building is a painful necessity. I understand that our lives are built of continual destruction and creation, and I’ve realized how strong my fears of losing my loved ones and the life we’ve made is. I honestly don’t know what would happen, I’m not advanced enough to see that, or if I’d be privy to that sight even if I were. Anyway, my fears do a have a stronghold…and I need to work on that before anything, probably. Sigh.


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