I got a bit discouraged the other afternoon when I tried working on raising and directing energy. I know that it’s my lack of commitment, my wishy-washy dedication as of late. I feel completely spent these days, too drained to even delve inside to investigate what may be the cause. A lot of it is my job, I know, and mortal world responsibilities, that are taking up much of my available time. Maybe I can get back to waking early when the world is still to do some of my magical work. That may be my only option as it’s often the only time I can find to be alone and concentrate. City noises and the crammed nature of condo living distract me terribly, much as I try to block things out. I use earplugs, shut the windows and shades, and yet, this also cuts me off from what natural world we do have around here. Since I’m not so adept with the mental stuff, it’s imperative that I give myself as much assistance as possible in creating a suitable environment. Blech. I wish this were easier.
I’m now up because despite that fact that I’ve not had as much sleep as I need this past week and was falling asleep at 7:30 on the couch, I can now not fall asleep even though I’m totally mentally and physically exhausted. I got up had a pickle (dill is good for insomnia 🙂 and stepped out for some night air with Vesta for a few moments. The night air usually invigorates me, however, so I didn’t want to stay out there too long. I did want to journal a few thoughts: as I was trying for the third time to sleep, I started hearing voices that seemed like a mixture of garbled thoughts along the block and vague messages meant for me. I heard my name several times, and snippets of conversation (though do you think I could recall it now to keep a record of it?) At one point, I called out in my mind to my guides (whom I’ve not yet properly met) and to Gabriel, which is a name and a figure that did come to me while doing a spirit guide meditation, but never officially talked to or met or anything. I simply saw a figure sitting beneath a bridge that I frequent (wearing a cool bowler hat, a white tee shirt and brown trousers) and the name Gabriel popped into my head. I’m not sure if this is the same Gabriel as the archangel or not. I continued to get auditory gobbledygook until I finally got pissed off and stormed away from my sleepless bedside.
I’m reading my Julia Golding Companion’s Quartet series again which works absolute wonders for my imagination. It’s such a cool story and relates to a lot the imaginary work I’m trying to master, so very fitting 🙂 I feel like I’m a student along with Connie Lionheart, the main character, though a slower learner :s/ Connie is a Universal Companion to mythical creatures, which means she can bond with all creatures, and through the bonds, is able to bring people together who are not Universals. It’s a great premise, and every time I read it, I get enthralled with her descriptions of the mental exercises that Connie works on. She’s got just brilliant imagery for the whole setting, but especially when she describes the encounters with the mythical creatures and the labyrinth of the mind…I guess I can’t explain it, and I’m still dog tired, but totally read the books. They are amazing, and fast reads since they are really geared towards young people. She’s got other great books, too, but I bought this series specifically to help me learn my imaginary world and build my magical muscles 🙂 Booyah!
Ok, I think I really need to try again to go to sleep. I’m so tired.