I’m considering making this blog my new ‘spiritual endeavors’ blog. I like the options available on WordPress, and though it’s all super-confusing right now, I’m sure with time I’ll get the hang of it, and perhaps push myself to learn a bit more and utilize a lot of the functions/capabilities.
Speaking of pushing myself, and the need for it, I’ve been doing a lot of mulling. I’ve mulled for 3+ years since my mother-in-law died, a time of tremendous change for me in just about every possible way. It’s time I drink the spicy, heady liquid that I know I’ve created inside my well since I started this path of intense self-discovery. I spent I don’t know how many years before her illness and death getting into what I’m now considering a Pagan path. I never intended at all to be following this path, choosing it, or even seeking it out. It sort of sought me, I guess. I was very comfortable with my agnosticism; my belief in things that we cannot understand and thus I trundled along relatively unconcerned with how my life shapes the world, how my choices effect it. But things kept happening, things I knew better than to be merely consequences. My life has had plenty of oddities and unexplainable experiences, and I’ve always simply accepted that as part of my belief that there are things at work on other planes than this one. It never really occurred to me, other than my occasional wonderment, to investigate it further. Nor did it ever dawn on me that I might look inside myself and find many truths. More and more things kept happening, and I finally had to face that some Force was communicating with me for a reason, something wanted me to listen. If not for any other reason than to teach me to listen to my inner self. It was a very important and life changing lesson that seemed to be very gradual, but one for which I’m eternally grateful. It opened my mind.
I started really seeing landscapes, feeling stones, hearing the trees and the birds and the river waves lapping at the shore, tasting the sacredness in everything. I realized that everything on this planet communicates. It’s like body language…it’s subtle, it’s an art. It’s something I may not notice right away, but upon contemplation, I start to see a puzzle coming together. Maybe I’ll never get to see the finished puzzle in this life or ever, but in the working it out, I glean more out of this life every day. I enjoy the puzzle, I enjoy the guessing. The ebbs and flows of the seasons, of the moon, of my feminine cycle, of trends and crops and technology, always changing, never static. That’s the nature of this place. In meditative walking, or walking with the intention of being present in each moment, I’ve discovered life again, or maybe even for the first time. And I’ve found that I truly love it. I love it here on these cobblestones of life 🙂